I blame the scapegoats by John O'Farrell

Author:John O'Farrell [O'Farrell, John]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Non Fiction, Satire
ISBN: 9780552771948
Publisher: London : Black Swan, 2004.
Published: 2003-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

* The BBC had just done away with its famous globe logo. They were also considering replacing their historic motto, 'Nation Shall Speak Peace Unto Nation', with 'Charlie Dimmock Shall Speak Gardening Tips Unto Several Viewers.'

mountainous terrain in the latest five-door hatchback from General Motors. American military operations will be organized into eight-minute slots so that the broadcasters can cut to an ad break at just the right time. Each segment will end with a cliff-hanger in case the viewer is tempted to switch channels. 'Oh no! The Al-Qaida are about to escape over the border. And I forgot to ring my mom to say happy birthday!'

With the BBC, ITV and Sky now all pitching for the licence for ITV Digital, it would seem sensible to include these wonderful new American programmes in any new package on offer. The expertise demonstrated by their World Cup pundits could be employed at half-time in the latest global sport to hit the airwaves:

'Well, frankly, Gary, the Americans are going to have to work a lot harder to close down this Saudi star, Bin Laden.'

'I couldn't agree more, Terry; I've not been very impressed with accuracy of these American strikes so far. Here we see the action replay of this attack. Look: he completely misses and blows up the Chinese Embassy - and at this level you've really got to hit the target.'

With coverage like this it won't be long till we are all filling out our War on Terrorism wall-chart. And when all-out nuclear warfare does finally break out, at least we'll be able to say to our friends down the pub, 'Don't tell me who wins! I'm taping it and watching it later!'

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